So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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