Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
