Tell her she can't have a vagina
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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