This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
