The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
