So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
