1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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