Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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