people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
