I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's blow job season.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
