The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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