she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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