I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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