i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
