yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
