put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
