I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
