yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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