you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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