I want you more than these girls want KFC
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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