i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
