I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
