So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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