I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
