When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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