my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
