how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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