Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
