So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
