I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
