I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
