Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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