he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
