nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
