I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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