He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize