So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
