i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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