I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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