My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
