I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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