It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize