i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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