Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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