just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
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Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.