I don't think brook has ever known best
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
