i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
