Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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