We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
