take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
