Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
