You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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