it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
