New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
