that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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