You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
