Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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