I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
